L2.+Poe+Parody

Once upon a time there was an alcoholic princess named snow white. She had everything in the world but still thought she meant nothing to anyone. She drank wine and rum to obliterate the feeling of being lonely and worthless. In doing this she began to lose all control over herself and would wonder places and forget how she got there. One day, after being kicked out of a bar, because of the ruckus she caused, she was walking home with a bottle of rum in a crumpled up paper bag. She wandered around searching for somewhere to stay because she couldn’t remember how to get to her house. So she ended up walking into the woods where she found a little cottage. She saw it and thought it was a good place to crash. Little did she know, seven little dwarves inhabited it. Once she walked into the cottage the dwarves hid because she was so much bigger than they were. She stumbled upon a bed and laid on it and instantly blacked out, spilling the contents of her bottle everywhere. Hearing the snoring, the dwarves knew that she was sleeping and came out of hiding to see what it was. They found out that it was the fabled princess snow white lying on their bed. They were filled with overflowing joy and started to clean her up. As they wiped off the dirt from her dress, wiped up the rum on the floor, and started to make her more comfortable by giving her a pillow and a blanket. In this whole commotion, she was too knocked out to notice any of it. In about mid day, she woke up with a major hangover from the previous day. She picked up her bottle of rum and started drinking it as she was lying in bed. This gave her an immediate effect and was drunk again instantly. She saw that she was all cleaned up and had a pillow and blanket on and wondered where it all came from. She shouted, “Is anyone here?” then the dwarves came out of their hiding and said, “Yes princess we are the seven dwarves.” With a dazed look on her face she was looking around for what had said that. “Who is there?” she said, “Down here princess!” said the dwarves. Thinking that they were the voices in her head she started to go mad. The more the dwarves talked, the crazier she thought she was getting. The dwarves tried everything they could to make their presence known but everything failed. After drinking the rest of her bottle, snow white begin stumbling around the cottage and tripped over Grumpy. “HEY!” said grumpy, “WHO ARE YOU????” said Snow White. She thought it was a figment of her imagination so she picked up a knife and gouged his eyes out and ripping off his ears. After killing grumpy she saw the rest of the dwarves and started killing them because she thought they were little minions of the witch in her own little world. After passing out again she laid in bed for another couple hours. After waking with a major hangover she noticed she killed all of the seven dwarves, even her favorite dopey. After feeling the worst feeling that guilt had to offer, she drank herself into a deep sleep and hasn’t been heard from again.